Today was amazing.

I left church feeling refreshed and energized in a way that I haven't felt in a really long time. While I've been looking forward to all the new things beginning to take place in my life, today was the first time I've felt like I couldn't wait for them to happen. I've been ready, but afraid -- as would be natural, I suppose. Today, however, was the first time that I really started to think of all the things God has in store for me in the midst of all this change. I've always known God has a plan for me, I've always known that it would be good -- but I never really thought about just how amazing it can and will be until today. I was suddenly struck with a whole new amount of excitement and bravery for this new adventure -- for my purpose in life. I felt like a brand new person.

Then, on the way to Astoria, just as I was driving over the hill from Naselle to Knappton, I smiled at my favorite view in the valley -- the massive Columbia River and the Astoria Bridge peeking through the trees. But there was something more to the view today -- green. Tiny baby leaves had begun to poke their heads out from the tree branches, changing the world around me from grey and tired Winter, to green and joyful Spring.

The change in the season reflected the feeling of change in my life.

"...and everything that's new has bravely surfaced,

teaching us to breathe.

What was frozen through is newly purposed,

turning all things green.

So it is with You,

and how You make me new

with every season's change,

and so it will be

as You're re-creating me.

Summer. Autumn. Winter.

Spring."

I have the most amazing people in my life.

People who make me feel loved, and who are constant reminders that I always have somewhere to turn.

They are a pillar of strength -- an incredible support system -- cheerleaders who have no idea how huge of a role they play in any and all of my accomplishments.

They tell me that they're "always right behind me, cheering me on."

But they're not behind me.
I'm not leading anyone.


I walk through this life with all of them beside me, making them a part of the journey every step of the way.

I couldn't do it alone -- and I'm glad for that.


I'm glad I get to call these people mine.

My audition was scheduled for 2:30, but I walked out of the historic Kerry Hall at 2:15.

I arrived an hour and a half early (1:00 for those of you not feeling the whole 'math' thing,) in order to have 'adequate warm-up and practice time'. I signed in, and since I had arrived with adequate time before the adequate time, they had me do my music theory and ear training tests before my audition. Great for me -- that was the part I was the most nervous about. Get it out of the way as soon as possible!

The theory was not as difficult as I had anticipated. Obviously there were things I didn't know (does anyone know what the ii chord diminished in the key of F is? Probably not...) but I was very relieved to find that I knew most of it and therefore didn't start out my day feeling like an idiot. It's always nice to have that happen.

Ear training could have gone smoother. When my instructor Greg (adorable, but same name as my dad -- weird) played a melody, I sang it back like it was my favorite song. When he played a rhythm, I clapped it back like my hands could do no wrong. When I was then instructed to write it down... Well, YOU try and remember six measures of a melody/rhythm after hearing it only twice and all at once rather than one measure at a time. Impossible.

I was done with both of my tests by 1:30. I walked out of the room and a tiny little man camed and introduced himself to me -- my accompanist. Sweet guy.

We had been rehearsing for less than 15 minutes (1:42 ish) when a girl came in and said that the person scheduled for 2:00 was stuck in traffic and asked if I'd like to go in ahead of him. Umm, YES! No hesitation on my part. Get in and get out. No need to let the nerves that I walked in with grow any greater.

She walked back in a mere few minutes later (1:45) and announced that it was -- direct quote -- the time for ass-kicking. (She was funny. I have a feeling we'd be great friends.)

I walked into the room and am crushed to see that it's devastatingly tiny. So small. Singing in a room that small is torture; singing a high B in a room so small could be lethal. I shook off that feeling, though, knowing I had to suck it up and just do it, and introduced myself to the three judges.

God only knows what I said at this point -- I was so out of my element that I hardly remember anything vividly -- all I know is that I said something, heard laughing, and then heard one of them say, "Oh, she's funny!" That definitely helped. It made the whole rest of the audition/interview process seem like we were just hanging out, rather than them judging me.

I was done with the audition at 2:00; done with the interview at 2:15.

I was done before I was even scheduled to begin.


I did not deliver the performance of my lifetime. I did not sing like my life depended on it.

But I did deliver a performance that told a story. I did sing like I was standing in front of masters, begging them to mold me and teach me and transform me.


And it worked.

I got in.

:)

Audition weekend has arrived.

I don't have too much time to write -- nor do I really have the patience as anxiety has taken over nearly my entire being -- but I figured I should post something. We're loading up the car for the trek to Seattle, where I will sing for my life.

So pray, pray, pray.
Wish on a star.
Blow on a dandelion,
or even an eyelash.
Hold your breath.
Cross your fingers.
Think happy thoughts for me

as I head into what could be a life-changing event.

Pray, pray, pray that I find peace.
Pray that I find peace so I can ROCK IT!

...Also pray that I don't have to use my inhaler, as I am a pathetic being and already had to use it when I read the list of what I 'could' be tested on. Sad, sad, sad...

And off we go...

There are days when I feel like living in the age of technology is a curse. I feel like we take the simple things in life for granted, and think of them as boring rather than sweet.

Sometimes I feel like we've forgotten what it is to have an actual conversation; one that doesn't involve hitting 'send' first.

But then there are the times when I get an online message from someone I haven't talked to in ages -- someone whose phone number has been lost or changed over the years; someone who has moved enough times that a mailing address becomes impossible to keep track of... It's those times when technology is an absolute blessing -- when their name is staring at you from your inbox, and that part of you that you've forgotten to tap into lately because it is so far in your past suddenly becomes alive again.

It's nice to know that all you need to do is type someone's name in a blank, and in a matter of seconds your lives can be connected again.

Summary time!

- My audition is growing closer and closer by the second, and it still hasn't really hit me. At this point, I'm unsure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

- Scott Johnson, my former next door neighbor and relative of sorts (ahhh, Naselle...) has become the new local hero, after receiving a gunshot wound to the head after a DUI arrest last week in Long Beach. He was taking inventory of a car about to be towed when a man who had nothing to do with the arrest itself came up and shot twice. The Washington State Patrol has seen too many tragedies in the past few months, and by God's grace Scott's name was not added to that fateful list of lives lost. What an amazing thing it was to watch the WSP caravan escort bring him safely home to a town of people that love him.

- Jeff and Katie Bjornsgard officially have a new addition to their family! Ava arrived in Miami from Haiti a few days ago with a tearful and relieved welcome from her new parents. It has been a long and emotional ride that so many people have become invested in -- and now she is here! A beautiful, precious gift for such a wonderful family.

- At this moment, I should be on my way to Rochester to spend the weekend with some of my best girls -- the first time we would have all been together at the same time in nearly 3 years. However, Life decided to be mean and instead I'm sipping apple juice... And throwing it back up. Awesome. For someone like me, a person whose whole world revolves more consistently when she's with her best friends, this is a travesty. C'est la vie, I suppose... Bah.

- This morning when I woke up, the elk were in the yard being watched by a couple of bald eagles. The fact that the population of wildlife here far exceeds the population of humans is something we like to joke about, but you know what? It's pretty special...

Fruit. Singular.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

Fruit of the Spirit.
Not Fruits.

All or nothing.