July 13th was always our day -- my Grandpa's and mine.
Born on the same day, 61 years apart.
It was my favorite part about my birthday: the fact that I got to share it with someone I loved so much.

July 9th, 2006 took that away from me.

Losing my Grandpa in general was hard enough -- losing him so close to our day was gut-wrenching.

Birthdays are supposed to be full of joy and fun and celebration.
I used to have a countdown going year-round.
I used to put up signs around the house, blatantly, but good-naturedly reminding my family that my birthday was coming up soon.

But suddenly I had to celebrate in a way that I didn't know how: alone.

Not alone, like no one was there. Alone, like I didn't know how to not share it with my Grandpa anymore. Only now, 4 years later, do I finally feel like I've learned how. This birthday was the first one that I didn't spend the whole day missing him.

I thought about him that morning when I woke up, as I do every birthday... But this time I didn't cry.
I thought about him when I read my card from my Grandma, seeing only her signature at the bottom... But this time I didn't have to bite my lip in order to keep myself from publicly losing it.
I thought about him as I went to sleep, as the last moments of my 21st birthday passed by... But this time I didn't feel guilty for laughing or smiling, because I know that having a good time is exactly what he would want me to do. Those of you who knew him, know just how true that is :)

I want to thank all of my family and friends who helped me celebrate this year.

Whether you were with me at midnight, ringing in my day with a bottle of champagne and a rousing rendition of "Paper Planes", with me during the day, celebrating over a cup of coffee and good conversation, or sending me your love and well wishes over the lovely world of Facebook -- I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.

It's because of you that I'm able to move on and have fun and celebrate this life.

And Grandpa... I love you. Always.

'Cause it's a kid with a chance,

it's a Rock 'n Roll band,

it's a farmer cuttin' hay.

It's a big flag flyin' in the Summer wind

over a fallen hero's grave...

You can shake our ground, but you can't break our foundation.

We bleed Stars and Stripes.

Let me ask you something.

If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience?

Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient?

If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage,

or does he give him opportunities to be courageous?

If someone prayed for the family to be closer,

do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings,

or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

- from "Evan Almighty"

Seize your opportunities.

One of my favorite pastimes: Ladies coffee and conversation.

We try to get together every couple weeks, though often times the span between visits is longer. (Ahhh, life.) It's always loud and vibrant -- filled with stories and laughter and love.

Today was especially love-filled.

Baby Moses, the newest gift to my friends at http://fromwhomallblessingsflow.blogspot.com/, arrived from Ethiopa nearly a month ago, and today we celebrated his homecoming.

He is absolutely beautiful: smooth chocolate skin, chunky thighs and pudgy feet and hands that you just can't stop staring at. His hair is thick and soft, and running your fingers through it is addicting. He has the biggest smile, and has a wise understanding to widen it every time a camera is raised -- and his EYES. Oh goodness, his eyes. Large and observant, expressive and knowing, with thick eyelashes that go on forever. He has an easy temperament, LOVES attention and babbles like a pro.

I could go on and on all day.

The real point of my posting this, though, is that spending time with this precious boy today reaffirmed my heartfelt knowledge of my calling to adopt.

I wasn't very young when I found out that my Dad's younger sister was adopted, but I knew right then that it was something I wanted to do. Later on, I would come to realize that it wasn't so much my own want, but rather something I was supposed to do.

I've always loved children.
I've always had a heart for people who hurt in ways I can't understand.
I've always wanted to... Make a difference.

I don't have a voice or opinion esteemed high enough to "save the world".
I don't have the resources to build schools or houses.
I don't have the funds to form foundations or charities.

But I do have love.

It's the one thing I know how to do without second guessing my abilities.
Sometimes I love too much.

To be able to open my arms and spread this love to children who need it...
Sometimes I can hardly wait.

We walked until 1:30 am -- three friends and a dog.

Side by side down the middle of the road we went,
with nothing to light the way but the moon,
and occasional flicker of a flashlight to be sure
the aging lab hadn't wandered too far.

We looked at the stars winking in the massive black sky,
and breathed in the cold, perfumed air that comes
hand in hand with the Summer nights in our tiny town in the woods.

We talked of the things
that only the greatest of friends can speak of
without feeling that the conversation is going too far.
We talked of the things
that only the greatest of friends can speak of
without feeling that the conversation isn't going anywhere at all.

And just like with any other night spent together,
random moments interrupted any sort of poetic stride
we thought we had found in our setting.
Go figure.
But as we know: Anything can happen in the woods.

Walking back against the wind I could feel my breath
run into my face
before rising into the sky.
I could hear the river rushing through it's path
-- never stopping, always rolling --
and the frogs singing their last lullabies.

I said goodnight to my friends and the dog,
thanking the starry Heaven above me
for placing them in my life,

and for placing us here.

Everything is in place.
All that's left is to move into my dorm.

Last week I got my schedule, student ID (memorized it after seeing it once, thank you,) e-mail, and dorm-life checklist.
I met 50% of my classmates (all relatively normal, thank the Lord,) my advisors, my personal coach, and a student from Astoria.
I was counceled about loans, both subsidized and un-subsidized -- something that I'd like to never sit through again. Sooo many words -- sooo many charts. Bleh.
I ate delicious cafeteria food (HALLELUJAH!) and found out that I will NOT be the oldest girl in the dorms.
I enjoyed every overwhelming, confusing minute as I watched the last 8 months of stress come to fruition.

Mostly every minute...

During our Music Department meeting I had the weirdest vertigo (which we later decided was from dehydration/drinking coffee on an empty stomach.) We weren't doing anything significant -- just sitting there, going around the room introducing ourselves. I said my name, hometown and major. Moved on to the next person, and then the next, then the next, etc... Suddenly the room was... Rolling. It wasn't a "spin in a circle for 30 seconds and then try to walk" kind of thing. The room was moving as the course of a wave. I closed my eyes and tried to shake it off, opened my eyes again and everything was white. I thought I passed out, but I could still hear everything. I was sitting next to someone I met at my audition and again later at my campus tour -- someone I've now gotten to know over the past few months since. I just whispered to her that I was dizzy and couldn't see. I knew I needed to put my head down, but didn't want to cause a scene... So she carefully slid my purse in front of me and told me to pretend like I was looking for something. Ha -- clever girl.

2 minutes or so later I could see again, but the rolling didn't stop until about 3 minutes after that. So strange. Yuck.

Apart from that eerie experience, everything was awesome. I had a great time meeting my new people -- the ones I'll spend the next 4 years with, and had fun spending some much needed quality time with my original people -- who will be in Seattle with me :)

OH! I also learned that I will be graduating during Cornish's 100th anniversary. Don't ask me why, but things like that excite me. Great timing, on my part, applying when I did (Ha!)

Summertime

and the living is easy

:)